Story by David Katz
Dave Chappelle is one achingly funny dude. Just ask viewers who have tuned into Chappelle’s Show, his Comedy Central hit, where they make the acquaintance of characters like Tyrone, "the goofiest crackhead in the town," who is lured to an intervention by the prospect of, what else, free crack. ("Is this the five o’clock free crack giveaway?" he pants breathlessly, as he barges through the door.) He’s confronted by various former friends and victims, such as Rhonda, who "was very hurt that you carjacked me that time," and Ginny and Rob, the liberal white couple who took him in so he could study for his real estate license ("You sold our house and kept the money. Four hundred and fifty thousand dollars!"), and his supervisor at the post office, who had to let Tyrone go when he snorted up an anthrax letter meant for Senator Tom Daschle. The cunning but irredeemable addict ("You all act like crack is so bad!") fervently agrees to go into rehab, right after a visit to the men’s room ("But first step is first; I need to go to the bathroom!"), where he escapes by flushing himself, feet first, down the toilet bowl.
Or meet Clayton Bigsby, a blind Ku Klux Klansman, author of I Smell Nigger, Nigger Stain, Nigger Blood and Dump Truck; a driving force behind the Southern re-emergent white supremacy movement, and the subject of a parody "Frontline" documentary, complete with the palpably anguished white narrator. There’s only one minor problem: Clayton Bigsby is black, having been raised in an all-white orphanage for the blind, where, as the director states, "We figured we’d make it easy on Clayton by just telling him, and all the other blind kids, that he was white." So when he "smells nigger" at a truck stop where the only black person in sight is himself, you know something is definitely askew.
And please don’t bother telling legally-challenged R&B singer R. Kelly what a pisser Dave is, unless perhaps you want a punch in the mouth. The raunchy Romeo was accused of shooting homemade hidden camera videotapes that show him having sex with a 14-year-old girl and then urinating on her face. He was mercilessly skewered by Chappelle in his now infamous faux R. Kelly music video, "Piss on You," in which Dave, as Kelly, sprays dancing homegirls with a garden hose from a yellow barrel labeled "Kelly’s Urine" as he croons lines like, "Gonna pee on you. Drip. drip, drip," and "Your body, your body . . . is my Porta Potty," and "Only thing that make my life complete is when I turn your face into a toilet seat," all in Kelly’s soulful falsetto style.
Also on the underage sex tip is a dead-on exposÃ© of the sexual molestation of young Jedi Knights by their masters, complete with a press conference from Skywalker Ranch featuring Yoda’s denial, in perfect Yodaspeak: "No have sex with boys, Yoda did not. Tired Yoda is. Resign he will." However, reporter Chuck Taylor (Chappelle, whitened-up in a blond wig) rolls a hidden camera videotape of Yoda and apprentice Qui-Gon Jinn quaffing coke and getting stupid. "Get down do you? Good blow this is! Horny it makes me," says Yoda, stuffing The Force up his itty-bitty nose.
COMPLETE STORY IN MARCH/APRIL 2004 HIGH TIMES