On Monday, the United Nations climate panel issued a report connecting global warming to global security for the first time ever. For the past seven years, research in social science has found more links between climate and conflict, study authors say, with the full report referencing hundreds of studies on climate change and conflict.
"There's enough smoke there that we really need to pay attention to this," said Ohio University security and environment professor Geoff Dabelko, one of the lead authors of the report's chapter on security and climate change according to the Huffington Post.
Enough smoke in fact that the has proposed a series of reforms necessary for the continuing stability of the modern world. Yet in a cruel twist of fate, the Secretary-General's sweeping changes seem to be targeted indirectly at stoners.
Check out some of the worst ones below:
-There will only be 19 days in April.
-Febreze is limited to one shpritz per 600 square feet.
-After each inhale of breath you must swiftly exhale. Holding anything in your lungs will not be tolerated.
-All fast food establishments may only operate between the hours of 5am-7am and 5:30pm-7pm (that includes you Taco Bell).
-Doritos will only come in two flavors effective immediately: Toothpaste & Orange Juice or Gas Station Sushi.
-Glass can only be blown into shapes approved in the accompanying document; all others must be destroyed.
-The Grateful Dead is officially dead.
-Any and all jam bands and reggae music will not be tolerated.
-All desserts must be either baked or uncooked; there will be nothing left Half Baked.
-Magazine centerfolds can only feature people going forward.
-A calculated combination of Japanese Giant Hornets and Bird Eating Tarantulas will be released into the Amsterdam ecosystem to help with Global Warming. Visit at your own risk.
Happy April Fool's Day!