Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend and I get along fine. I really love her.  But lately we have been having a problem. We sit down to chill in front of the TV for the night and start to smoke. I like to get close and hold her. We kiss and make out. The problem is that we never make it to home base. She says she is too tired and then goes to bed. When I follow her and try to get it on she tells me she is exhausted. We both like to get high, but it seems that after that first hit, she is half asleep. What can I do?
Sexless in Seatle

Dear Sexless in Seattle,
What about the weekend? If you sleep in, maybe you can have some fun in the morning. I would also suggest that you look for a good sativa to keep her awake. Do you help her with the house chores so she’ll have more energy for you in bed? You could also try skipping TV and going directly to the bed. Smoke a bit, go to the bedroom and start with a massage. I’m sure she’d love that. Women can't resist that offer. One thing can easily lead to the other and there you go! Have fun!

Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend and I have been together for 8 years. There is one thing that is really pissing me off. I have a garden and I work very hard on it. She seems to think she can pick leaves here and there, move things around, etc.  It is very aggravating. I don't think she realizes how much my garden means to me. I’ve tried to explain it but she keeps doing it. Can you help me to keep her from killing my plants?

Dear Jason,
I feel your pain!  People who’ve never grown a garden don’t understand the passionate care that goes into it and the protective instinct it triggers. I would tell her flat out, as nicely but as sternly as you can, to keep her hands from touching your plants.  Any time she touches your plants or horticultural tools she is overstepping her boundaries. I’m sure she wouldn’t like you to touch her makeup. You both enjoy the benefits of her makeup, but you don’t touch it, I presume. Likewise she shouldn’t touch your garden. If she wants to try growing, she should try her own garden. Would that work out for you? It might be a fair compromise.

Hey Hyapatia,
My girlfriend and I have only been together a few months but things are already starting to fall apart. She has this one annoying thing she does. When I’m hangin' with my friends, we all like to share our stash. She joins in and that’s fine. No one has a problem with that. What I DO have a problem with though is that she buddies up to whoever seems to have the best weed. I mentioned this to one of my homies and he noticed it too, so it isn't just me. What the fuck is up with that?

Dear Colt,
I can't say that I understand this behavior, whether it’s done subconsciously or not, but I think getting it out in the open is the best way to handle this one. I’d ask her if she noticed that she does this, just to give her a chance to save face. If you make her aware that you noticed it, perhaps she’ll cool it down. If not, I would think seriously about finding someone else. I mean, if I were you, I’d always be wondering if she was with me because of me or because of my weed. You know what I mean?

I like to smoke weed a lot. Or rather, I like to smoke a lot of weed. My lady smokes too, but she doesn't smoke nearly as much as I do. At first it wasn't a problem, then she started to say something about me smoking so much and I got self-conscious about it. Now I find that I’m hiding how much I smoke from her. I’m afraid she’ll think that I spend too much money on pot. This wouldn't be a bad thing, except now I’m looking for ways to get away from her to smoke. Should I just keep doing that, or should I start smoking in front of her and risk the repercussions?

Dear Justin,
The way I see it, there are several facets to your dilemma. If you start smoking in front of her, odds are she’ll either start smoking, too, thereby increasing your consumption and the expense. Then again, she could find it enjoyable enough to contribute more funds towards it, too, even working more hours to help out. It could be a good bonding experience for you. Naturally, it could go the other way, too. The main thing, I think, would be that you were being honest with her and she should appreciate that.