Hyapatia,

I read Fifty Shades of Grey about S&M and it was really erotic. I would like to try something like that with my boyfriend but I am too shy to bring it up. Can you help me?
Halle

Dear Halle,
Have you ever gone to an erotic store where they have lingerie, vibrators, hardcore magazines, and movies? Find one near you and take him to it. When you’re looking around, move over towards the bondage and discipline section. I suggest you start here and not go directly into the sado-masochistic stuff right away. Take your time. You might find some interesting clothes or props that could prompt your boyfriend to pick up the cue and follow your lead.
When you start your sex play, make sure you have established a "safe" word. This is a word you or he says when you want the role-play to slow down or stop. If things get too intense, you say the word and things stop. A good word is something you would never say during your fun. Something like "equator" or "cake". I hope you have lots of fun!!

Hyapatia,
My boyfriend sits in front of the TV all day. All he does is smoke and watch TV. I go to work, come home, clean his dishes from lunch, do laundry, vacuum, make dinner, etc., all while he just sits and smokes. I smoke too, but I get shit done. What the hell is the matter with him?
Shea

Dear Shea,
Is he depressed? Suffering from low self-esteem? I know from experience that people who don't do something constructive on a regular basis don't feel good about themselves. It sounds to me like he needs to have an activity, something he’s good at that can help contribute to the household in some way.
It’s really hard for someone in your position to light a fire under his ass, so to speak. He may need a professional to help him get out of this rut. Subconsciously, he must know that he can’t spend the rest of his days sitting in front of the TV with a joint. There has to be something he enjoys that he can turn into a positive activity.
One thing I would not suggest is passive resistance. I was once advised to stop all the cleaning and straightening up in an effort to make my significant other so uncomfortable with the mess that he would finally help clean it. That day never came. We are now divorced.

Hyapatia,
I love to get high all day, if I can, but especially at night when the day is over. There is nothing like chillin' on the sofa with my man. We read HIGH TIMES every month together and watch movies while getting stoned. My problem is that sometimes he gets so fucked up that he gets lazy in the bedroom. I do my part, give him all kinds of attention and sometimes he gives it back, if you know what I mean. But lately he has been letting me do all the work. I don't mean to complain, but I did mention it to him. He said he’s just so tired by the time we’re done with work and stuff.
I work hard too. I’m feeling kind of ripped off, actually. I have tried getting him to go to bed sooner, but he says he wants to chill and get high first. I was thinking about just not having sex, but that’s not an option because I want sex. What can I do?
Carmella

Dear Carmella,
I can certainly understand your frustration. I’ve been thinking about your question for a while. Have you considered having sex before you get so stoned? While you’re watching the movies, start kissing and touching him. If he protests at all, tell him you want to have sex before he gets too tired. If you tell him how much you want him and his body, I’m sure he’ll be excited to please you. Let him know you can get high some more later, after you’ve had your way with him. If he’s like most guys, he should like that.

Dear Hyapatia,
I know that marijuana is not supposed to be addictive, but when we run out, my boyfriend acts like a real asshole. He gets pissed off at everything and is impossible to get along with. I think he’s addicted to pot, regardless of what the scientists say.
Tanya

Dear Tanya,
There’s a difference between an addiction and a habit. He has a habit. Habits are hard to break and when we’re forced against our will to go without something we’re used to having around, we all get grumpy. Although normal and understandable, you must treat marijuana sanely; you have to be able to function in a civil manner when you’re without it. Remember the famous adage: "Pot will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no pot. But money and smoke will get you through anything!"