Hyapatia,
My girlfriend is really shy in bed. I mean really shy. I can't get her to give me head. I’ve tried to gently push her down there, but she resists. I’ve tried to go down on her, but she doesn't like that either. She isn't into any other position other than missionary. I tried to roll her over to do it doggy-style and she almost freaked. She gets high with me and I keep thinking that if I get her high enough, she’ll loosen up, but it doesn't seem to work – yet, anyway. What is the key to making women want to be hotter in bed?
Sinclair

Sinclair,
Maybe she doesn't know what other people do in bed besides missionary or doesn't realize that nobody just sticks with missionary and no head. Try bringing a little light porno into the bedroom. Don't freak her out by choosing some anal gangbang movie. Choose one with a story and characters that she can relate to. There is a movie I saw recently called The Friend Zone that would be good. There are hundreds of others. Watch it first to be sure it isn't too crazy for her. When you’ve found the right movie, set your own stage. Get some candles, some great dank bud – perhaps a bottle of wine. Take her to a fancy dinner and then home for the treats you’ve planned. When you go to bed, if she won't let you go down on her, tell her you want to, that it turns you on – that it’s natural and normal. Try to get her to relax and enjoy it. If she still tries to stop you, give her a massage. When she’s relaxed and her eyes are closed, you should gently begin licking her. My guess is that once she lets herself relax, she’ll enjoy it and probably come all over your face soon. It shouldn't be long before she’s reciprocating and sucking your cock with her wet lips as she runs her hand up and down your shaft in unison. It may take a while before she’s ready to take your hot load in her mouth or on her waiting face, but I have a feeling that once unleashed, the wildcat inside her will come on strong.

Hyapatia,
I love having sex with my lady and she says she loves having sex with me. But she never comes. I’ve tried eating her out for hours, fucked her in every position imaginable and done everything I can think of but she still can't come. She tells me she doesn't mind. She says she has never come, not even by masturbating. We get high and she relaxes more when she smokes, but she still doesn't come. What am I doing wrong?
Doug

Dear Doug,
You’re not doing anything "wrong.” if your lady can't come alone by herself, it’s not what you are or are not doing. She just needs to learn her own body. I suggest she get good and high when you’re not around. If she has a high tolerance, have her try an indica-based edible. If that doesn't get her high and relaxed, she should smoke a bit, too. When no one is going to be home or bother her, she should turn off the phone and computer and relax in bed by herself with a vibrator. A vibrator can be a girl’s best friend! She should also take a mirror and get familiar with her beautiful pussy. A pussy looks very much like a flower with pretty, pink petals. When she looks at herself and gets more comfortable with her body, she’ll start to learn which parts are best to touch. Given enough time – and weed – she should, eventually, be able to make herself come. It may take several tries before she is successful. That‘s the first step. Once she finds out what makes her come, she can tell you!

Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend has recently gained some weight. I’m not talking about just a few pounds — it’s about 35 pounds. I’m not turned on to her sexually anymore. When she wants to have sex, I try to make excuses because I don't want to hurt her feelings. I’m not going to take pills to get it up. I’m not even 30 yet. I’ve tried getting really high and pretending that she’s someone else or looks like she used to. That worked for a while, but now I can't get high enough to keep the fantasy going. Am I going to have to break up with her?
Unhappy

Dear Unhappy,
It’s difficult for both men and women when a partner gains a serious amount of weight. It puts you in a bad position. You don't want to be the bearer of bad news and bring up the obvious. On the other hand, it does affect your relationship and the health of someone you care about. If the cause of her weight gain is not related to her diet, maybe she should go to the doctor. It could be related to thyroid or some other serious condition. In the meantime, try going to a sexy lingerie shop where she can try on things. With her “new” figure in mind, pick out items that will accentuate the positive. For example, her breasts are probably bigger now, so choose something that shows them off. A high waist, or empire waistline will take the focus off of the waist. Perhaps she could get a manicure and have her hair done. When having sex, focus on her sexy nails stroking your cock or her flowing, beautiful hair as she sucks you dry. Concentrate on her hot, wet pussy and how good it feels to slide your hard dick deep inside until you come against her back wall. Ultimately, though, it’s up to you to decide whether her weight gain is significant enough to end the relationship.

Dear Hyapatia,
I have an embarrassing question. When my boyfriend and I have sex, sometimes my pussy makes a sound like a fart. Why does it do this and what can I do to make it stop? My boyfriend makes fun of me for it and it really bothers me.
Melissa

Dear Melissa,
It is perfectly natural to have a "pussy fart.” As we get excited, our pussies expand to make room for our man's cock. When he starts thrusting, air can get pushed up in there; when it comes out it makes that sound. It happens most often when you change positions or if he starts thrusting real hard. It happens to everyone. Try to not let it bother you. It’s normal and natural. Just giggle a little and move on!