Dear Hyapatia,
My boyfriend sells weed and I realize that means our place is always busy. We are never alone. That sucks. I need to have some space from all these people and some private time with my man, you know? He says he understands, but nothing has changed. There has to be a better way. We really need some quiet time alone to reconnect. What can I do to make him see that I am at the end of my rope? I mean it. I am ready to leave. I still love him, but I cannot put up with all this. I feel like my home is being invaded. I never get any space unless I go hide in the bedroom. I am not comfortable in my own home. Should I just give up and move out?
Amanda

Dear Amanda,
I know how crazy it can get in a house with constant activity, but dealing is a business. It sounds like your man is a hard worker; that’s good thing. He could meet customers at their homes for a while, but then he’d be gone a lot, so be prepared for that. If you want him to quit his business, it’s not practical financially.  Plan a few hours on the weekend or some time to be alone. He can let customers know that you’ll be unavailable. Remember, all businesses have hours they are open and closed and, of course, as any business owner can tell you, one of the problems with having your own business is that you’re always working. Run the idea past your man and see what he thinks. 

Hyapatia,
I smoke pot for medical reasons. I have extreme back pain from working construction for 9 years. Pot helps me to get out of bed in the morning. If I don't smoke, I need pain meds and they make me groggy all day long. I think this is very dangerous and I probably shouldn't drive or doing anything else that could hurt myself or others. It's a no-brainer to me. My wife doesn't get it.  She thinks I just want to smoke a lot of pot and "wake and bake" every day. If she had to deal with the pain I have, she wouldn't ever get out of bed no matter what. This is so maddening to me. I have tried to make her understand. Lately she has started to refuse to have sex as a punishment. If I have been "good" all week, we’ll have sex. Otherwise, I’m on my own. I really got to make her understand. I need some ammunition (information) to hit her with.  I don't want to leave her. We’ve been together for so long.
Mike

Dear Mike,
It’s amazingly easy to overdose on Tylenol – and it’s available over the counter. Over two hundred drugs contain acetaminophen and it’s very easy to take more than you intended. It’s just one of hundreds of examples of medications that can cause severe health risks – even death – if taken improperly. And I haven't even started to talk about prescription medications, which are far more dangerous. No one has ever died from too much marijuana and, in truth, there’s no such thing as an overdose – unless munchies and sleepiness qualify. For me, this is the ultimate fact that makes using marijuana for pain relief a common-sense choice. If your lady is refusing sex simply to punish you for not wanting to suffer in pain, it seems to me that she is hurting you physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually. That’s not what a partner is supposed to do! They’re supposed to be on your side, be your best friend and support you emotionally. I hope she sees the light soon. You don’t deserve to be treated this way.

Dearest Hyapatia,
I enjoy reading your answers and my boyfriend and I like to talk about them.  We were talking about the girl who wanted to try anal sex and my boyfriend said something like, "I wish you were like that." Well, sorry, but it’s a one-way street back there for me. I don't understand why women would want to do that. It sounds painful to me. I thought only porn stars and prostitutes did it up the ass. My boyfriend won't drop the subject though. He’s like a dog with a bone; he just won't let it go. I’m getting really tired of hearing it. How can I get him to forget it?
Ashley

Dear Ashley,
Not all women want to try it up the ass – that’s for sure! No one should ever be talked into doing something they really don’t want to do. There are average, everyday women who enjoy anal sex now and then. But it is not for everyone – and if you're not into it, it will be painful. There are many, many sexual activities and I’ve ever met someone who is in to everything – and I’ve met some pretty wild people! Everyone has limits. I’m sure your boyfriend has something he would never want to do in bed. He should be able to understand your choice not to have anal sex. Just as it would be his choice to refuse something he would never want to do. If he just can't get over it, I’d consider a change.

Dear Hyapatia,
I fucked up and I am tired of hearing about it. I guess I committed a mortal sin. My girlfriend and I were in bed and I reached for some lube. We’d never used lube in bed before. The problem was that I used Vaseline. She had a shit fit! She told me that gasoline based products are bad for the sensitive tissue of the vagina and that, at my age, I should have known better. I felt like an idiot. Is this really a thing? That you shouldn't use Vaseline? She keeps telling all our friends and they just sit there and feel uncomfortable.  I still haven't heard of this from anyone else. What's up with
dis?
Brian

Dear Brian,
Yes, it this “really is a thing!" It’s much better to use a water-based lube. But you’re not the only person who doesn’t know this, I am sure!  It’s wrong and mean for her to embarrass you in front of your friends. I’m sure there are things that you know that she doesn't and it would be equally wrong for you to embarrass her. But that’s not what your letter is about.  Sex and what happens in the bedroom should be a private affair that is not shared with others, unless both parties agree. Have you asked her to knock it off? Sit down, alone, and calmly tell her you would greatly appreciate it if she did not tell any more people about it. If she starts bitching at you for the mistake again or doesn't agree, keep your cool.  If she agrees and then goes and opens her mouth about it in front of friends, still keep your cool. Don't get angry; just walk away.  If she can't get over a simple mistake, you may hear about every mistake you ever make if you decide to stay with her. Everyone makes mistakes.  It’s a very immature person who keeps bringing up a mistake that was only made once.