Hey Hyapatia,
I keep having this nightmare that I have this really hot girl in bed. We are going at it. She’s moaning and I’m giving it to her real good. For a second, I pull out, give her a kiss and then go to stick it back in again and –she’s turned into a dude! This really grosses me out. I wake up in a cold sweat. It’s such a freaky, weird dream that I can't shake if off, you know? What the hell does this mean? I am NOT gay!

Dear Steve,
I’m sure you’re not gay. (There are some amazing transvestites out there though. I've been fooled and I imagine most people could be, too.) I think this dream shows you that you’re really grossed out by it. I would think it represents a fear more than anything else. Try to forget it and don't worry about it. It will pass. Maybe smoke more indica to lessen those dreams.

Dear Hyapatia,
I heard that there used to be a swing club in New York City where you could get high and fuck. Have you ever heard of that?


Dear Sean,
Yes! There were several clubs like that. The biggest was Plato's Retreat. It had a full-size swimming pool, a buffet, a disco floor with lights, and a fabulous sound system. There were several orgy rooms and a bunch of smaller rooms with mattresses where couples would swing. It was wonderful and I have many fond memories of that place. We would smoke up a storm, snort coke – it was back in the '80s – and fuck all night long. Ron Jeremy first introduced me to Plato's and we had lots of fun there together.
Another club was Helllfire. It was more of an S & M club. Naturally, we smoked pot there and stuff, but there was an underground rumor that this place had a lot of devil worshipping happening there. I’ve heard that this club had been in existence since the early colonial years. Another rumor states that Benjamin Franklin was said to have taken a monkey, before anyone in America had seen one, and released it after one of their devil-conjuring activities. I would love to have seen the reaction to that!

My girlfriend and I have a small problem. I’m not circumcised and because of that, she doesn't want to suck my cock. I have tried telling her I am clean and have shown her. We have sex, and she doesn't have a problem with that. Once she got real drunk and did it, but I can't get her to do it again and I don't want to have to get her drunk. I eat her out all the time and I love it when I feel her body shake and she cums from my tongue. Most other countries don't circumsise their boys. What’s up with American girls?

Dear Serg,
I didn’t circumcise my sons. I couldn't let the doctor butcher what God gave them, you know? Besides, I’ve heard that men are longer when they are not circumcised. I’ve been told that some men mourn the loss of their foreskins and wish they hadn’t been circumcised. People used to say it was cleaner to circumcise, but that has been proven false. Anyone can be dirty or clean if they choose, and it has nothing to do with circumcision. Pulling the foreskin back and cleaning is all it takes. If she won't suck it, I know lots of women who will!

Dear Hyapatia,
My lady and I like to get freaky at this one bookstore in our town that has peep holes in the booths. I love to watch her suck off strangers through the hole and then do our own freak scene. A few weeks ago we were doing our normal thing when a bag of weed fell out of my pocket. Just my luck, the dude who works there was walking by and saw it. He gave us a nasty look and threw us out and told us not to come back. This has really slowed down our fun. We need to make it right and go back. Do you think if I offered him a few joints he would look the other way while went back to our favorite booth?

Dear Jerry,
I don't think offering him a few joints is going to make it all right again. He doesn’t sound too pot-friendly. What a shame! Is there another book store close to where you live or at least, not too far away? I think you’d be better off going there. Two words of caution: Be careful! There are diseases out there that cannot be cured. But let your freak flag fly high!