Dear Hyapatia,
I don't have a girlfriend right now. I’m trying to meet more available ladies, but I want to make sure I get off on the right foot. I grow some of the best weed, if I do say so myself, and I plan on sharing with my new lady when I find her. I want to make sure I find a lady who will appreciate me for who I am and all I can do. With that in mind, I need to find someone who shares my love of the plant, you know? I don't need a girlfriend who wants me to stop growing or slow down my smoking or anything else. So where do I find someone who shares my love of the plant?

Dear Liam,
I know a lot of websites that help people like us connect and I’ve heard of some very solid relationships that started online. There is also something to be said for the good old-fashioned way. Ask friends if they know of any single girls that may be interested in meeting you. If none of those girls work out, try asking them if they have any friends who may want to meet you. Networking may be the safest way to meet someone – and get a little bio on someone beforehand that may be more honest.

Dear Hyapatia
My man can't function very when he’s stoned. I’m the opposite. It makes for a horrible combination. When one of us is coherent, the other isn't. We take turns doing things like driving, depending on who's best able at the time. We both like to get high but wait until evening to really cut loose, when we have no responsibilities. The problem is in bed. My man is much better in bed when he’s straight, but that’s rare. I’ve tried to keep quiet about it so as not to hurt his feelings. But I’m pretty frustrated sexually. How can I get him to stay straight until after sex, while I get high before?

Dear Janice,
That’s a hard question – pun intended. It’s a difficult proposition for you to be able get high before sex while he must wait until after.  I know you don't want to hurt his feelings, but maybe you should just come out and tell him he’s a better lover when he’s straight. Men like compliments, like everyone else. Hopefully, he’ll understand. Tell him that it doesn't have to be straight all the time – just frequently. Or try this: have sex before he gets high, then let him get high and go at it again – that is, if you’re into it.

Dear Hyapatia,
My wife spends all her spare time on the computer. She doesn't sit and get high with me while we watch TV like she used to. We never have a good conversation. We’re always interrupted by a ding on her computer that takes her away from me and back to that damn thing. She gets high while on the computer. I‘m thinking about telling her that I’d I really prefer she not smoke there. I want her to spend more time with me like we used to. What do you think?

Dear Stan,
I think that’s a good idea. If you’re trying to get her to put the computer aside for a while, asking her to wait until she’s off to smoke makes sense to me.  That way she won’t be distracted when she should be enjoying God's medicine. Hopefully, she’ll reconnect with you like want. But it’s also a good idea to just be honest: tell her that you miss her and look forward to your time together – off-line!

Dear Hyapatia,
I‘m so mad right now I can't see straight. My husband and father of my baby girl has been cheating on me. It’s not the first time I’ve caught him, but this time it’s worse than ever. He’s been taking the weed that we grow together at home and giving it to her! That’s my medicine! I have horrible days without it and I’d been wondering why we were running out so soon.  I am thinking of calling it quits, but our baby girl needs a father and I don't want to take her away from him. I’ve thought about counseling, but how can I explain to a geeky counselor that my cannabis is life saving? I’m afraid we will be told to get off the stuff or lose our daughter.
Fed up Fanny

Dear Fanny,
What kind of prick takes his wife's medicine that she helped grow and gives it to his girlfriend? Fuck him! Not in bed, in the head! I would dump him. He can still be a father to his daughter. But I wouldn't let him into my heart anymore – or my stash! It’s obvious he doesn’t have your best interests at heart.