Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year now. I would like to trust her, but I feel like every time I turn my back, she's coming on to other guys. We don't live together, which is really the problem. If we lived together, I could be with her more often. Then I could make sure she's not hangin' with any other dudes, but she won't move in. She says it's because my place is always hoppin' with my homies. I really don't party all the time and I would be happier just having her around, but she doesn't get it. I'm so stressed out about it that I'm burning through my weed. Can you help me convince her to move in?
Keenan

Dear Keenan,
Is there a reason you think she's coming on to other guys? Have you, yourself, seen it? Or are friends telling you this? It could be that she really isn't having a bunch of guys over in your absence. It could be that you care about her so much, you're just afraid to lose her. If that's at least partially true, have you told her how much you care? Maybe you could have her live with you for just a few days or a week to try it out. During that time you could show her how much she means to you by not having a bunch of dudes over. Be sure not to mistake her kindness towards others as flirting and make sure you show her a bunch of attention, so she won't feel like she has to get it somewhere else.

Dear Hyapatia,
I love smoking pot. It calms me down and lets me relax and chill. My wife gets pissed at me because I enjoy my weed during the day. She thinks I should wait until after six at night to light up. I just don't function that way! If I don't wake and bake, I end up getting pissed off at everything by noon and that puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day not matter what I do. I have done three tours in Iraq and I don't sleep real good, so when I get up, I'm already grumpy. I know she's just trying to help. She's afraid I'll turn into a pothead or something. I just don't see the harm in it. I have PTSD and it helps me a lot better than the other meds they keep trying to shove down my throat. And less side effects, too. Life is hard enough as it is. I really need my wife on my side with this. Thank you for your help.
Name Withheld

Dear Name Withheld,
It sounds like you've sacrificed a lot for our country. Thank you for your service! It's sadly ironic that you fought so hard to bring freedom to others and yet, here in the United States, there are only two states that allow adults to freely use pot. I would like to tell your wife that you've done so much to serve your country, that you've earned the right to smoke flowers whenever and wherever you wish. The truth is we're all born free. However, our oppressors dictate which plants can be freely used. Until that changes, the rest of us will just have to keep fighting hard for freedom.

Hey Hyapatia,
I have an embarrassing problem. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about it, so I hope you can help me. I have red, itchy, dry skin in my private area. That's why I don't have a girlfriend. I've looked everywhere but I can't find anything about an STD like this. Can you help me? I don't have health insurance so I can't afford to go to a doctor.
Colton

Dear Colton,
Let me preface this by saying that I am not a doctor and even if I were, I couldn't diagnose someone without seeing them. That being said, you might not have a sexually transmitted disease at all, but a skin condition. Eczema causes dry, itchy, red patches on the skin. It might be eczema. Try Corn Husker's Lotion. Apply it frequently; see if it helps at all. A doctor could tell you more and give you prescription-strength drugs to treat it. I understand how hard it can be for the uninsured to lavish themselves with healthcare. Sometimes it really seems like a luxury even with insurance, once you've satisfied deductibles and co-pays. Your self-esteem and sex life are suffering. That cuts down on your quality of life and that's unacceptable! What if -- Spirit forbid -- this is something more serious? Its location makes it very important that you to see a doctor. Let me know how it goes. Good luck!

Hyapatia,
Have you ever used Doc Green's Therapeutic Healing Cream as a lubricant?
Janet

Dear Janet,
No, I haven't, but I bet it would be great! I tried some on my sore neck at the recent HIGH TIMES Medical Cannabis Cup in Richmond, CA. It  was unbelievable! It made the pain in my neck better instantly! It made it kind of numb and tingly, so I think it would make a good lube -- especially for backdoor action. I really like this stuff, so I'm going to try it. I love lotions and lubes. I think that for sex, unscented would be best, but the lavender and vanilla ones are great for less sensitive areas. Thanks for the great idea!