Dear Hyapatia,
My man grows a great garden and he keeps track of it while we’re out with his cell phone through cameras he has set up. I understand his need to check on things and make sure all is going well. But we don't get out much and for him to sit through dinner staring at his phone and ignoring our time together, I think, is rude. I think he’s obsessed with his plants. Surely he can carry on a  conversation without risking losing his whole crop. Am I wrong here?

Dear Jennifer,
You’re not wrong. Why can't he converse while his phone sits on the table? He doesn't have to stare at it – just glance at it once in a while. Even then, I don’t think it’s necessary. I don't have to check on my garden all the time. I know it’s going well and then I relax for a few hours. Nothing can go wrong that you can't fix in an hour or so. It does sound like he’s obsessed, but I admit I do have sympathy. I’m probably obsessed a bit with my plants, too. But a garden should never get in the way of a relationship. If it does, something is wrong.

Dear Hyapatia,
My lady likes to watch YouTube at night. She stays up all night watching these videos on aliens and conspiracy theories. I sit and watch with her and get high for a few hours. But then I get bored. I wish she’d come to bed and make love and sleep in my arms. I thought she’d get tired of it eventually, but she just keeps finding more shit to watch. This has been going on for a long time. I’m getting tired of sleeping alone. What can I do to get her off the computer.

Dear Carl,
That’s a hard one. It's not an unusual problem. When you’ve had your fill, why not ask her to join you on the porch, sofa or somewhere that’s away from the computer. You don’t have to go to the bedroom just yet. Sit for a while, talk over the day and get high. Let her know just how much you’ve missed hanging out with her, sharing a sunset and a blunt – and how much you want to make love to her! Hopefully, this will lead to the bedroom and you can enjoy each other. Remind her how much you love to have her by your side, Maybe she’ll take the hint and hang with you more.

Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend is a virgin. She says she wants me to be her first. I’ve tried, but she is so tight and I don't want to hurt her. She says it hurts, so I stop. Later on she’s frustrated that we didn't do it. She has suggested trying to have sex with another guy first, as I am rather large. I have a friend who’s not as big as I am and he’s thinking about it. Do you think this is a good idea? Also, is it true that a girl can't get pregnant the first time she has sex?


Dear Brice,
Not true! A woman can get pregnant on the first time! Otherwise, I wouldn't be here!

It’s not a good idea at all for your friend to be your girlfriend’s first sex partner. It’s you she wants. You don’t need another smaller dick; you have your fingers. Use them to help her prepare for your cock. Be gentle and take time getting her as ready as possible for you. For women, it will never be totally comfortable the very first time. Unless a woman is unusually large and her man is unusually small, the first time is nearly always difficult.

Dear Hyapatia,
I have a great girlfriend and we get along really well. My problem is that there’s this other girl I sell weed to who is so fine. I just can't get her off my mind. I don't want to leave my girlfriend, but the heart wants what it wants. How can I get my girl to open up and share? Or should I see this other girl on the side without getting caught? I don't think my lady has been all that loyal to me. There are some guys she’s pretty close to, so I think this would be okay.

Dear Kyle,
You say you have a “great” girlfriend but you believe she hasn’t been all that loyal to you. You also say that “the heart wants what the heart wants.” So I wonder how “great” your relationship is. Obviously, you think it’s fair to cheat on her, because you think she’s cheated on you. If that’s your belief, I’d say your current relationship is headed for trouble.You have a decision to make. Do you want to break up with your current girlfriend? If not, don’t! Leave it alone. Figure out what you want and try being honest.