Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend makes more money than me, which is okay by me 'cept when it comes down to giving gifts. I always feel like mine is cheap. She gives real expensive things and I can't afford that kind of shit. But also, I don't want to spend a bunch of money on something she's going to hate. I think she thinks I'm really cheap. I grow all the weed we smoke, so I contribute big-time, but I don't talk about that much because I don't want her to think I'm being an ass about it.

Dear Max,
You're right not to talk a lot about supplying all the smoke. I'm sure she's aware of that. Has she said anything about your gifts that make you think she considers them "cheap?' Or is it a look or action that makes you think this? Is it possible that she doesn't feel this way, that you just feel that your gifts pale in comparison? Have you ever thought about giving a special bunch of buds as a personal gift? Wrap them in gift paper or in a gift bag, for her to smoke when she's alone or whatever. That's one way to show her that you're giving to her on a consistent basis by supplying the smoke. This reminds me of
a story I heard as a young child: A princess is coming to town and a little blind boy wants to give her a gift, but has nothing to give. He has a garden though, and he grows a strawberry, making sure it's always in the sun, turning it so it will get red on all sides, making sure it has plenty of fresh water, etc. When the princess comes, he gives her the strawberry. She's so thankful for the beautiful, big, juicy berry, that she gives him a big hug and kiss. It's children's story, so it ends there. But I imagine it would continue on into the bedroom in the adult version.

Hey Hyapatia,
My boyfriend wants to try swinging. We have some friends who are swingers and they belong to a club. They’re always telling us how much fun they had and I think it sounds like a blast. Do you have any pointers?

Dear Larissa,
Swinging can be lots of fun. My first husband and I used to go to Plato's Retreat – long gone – in New York City where they had a disco, pool, Jacuzzi, buffet and many rooms for small orgies, large orgies, and just plain partner-swapping. It can be amazingly wonderful or it can ruin your relationship. It all depends on how you and your partner handle things. Some people get jealous if their significant other enjoys someone else's fruits. My advice would be to switch partners often so there’s not as much of a chance of either one of you becoming too attached to someone else. Swinging is fun, but be sure to have lots of private love-making sessions, too. One other thing – don't forget safe sex!!

I grow the best shit around. I mean, when I look in the magazine and see the centerfold bud, I know my shit is better than that. The world is going to go crazy when they see the shit I can grow! I bet money you ain't never had nothing like this!!
The Bud King

Dear King,
That’s awesome! I’m very excited for you! I can't wait to taste your flowers! Check out our fabulous events sometime and introduce yourself to me. I’d love to meet you in person. That goes for everyone. I love people, especially the ones who are cool and know how to enjoy the Great Spirit's gifts and use it to bring out the very best in themselves.  I hope you take your stuff to a Cannabis Cup some day and show everybody what you got. Win something for your efforts and make a name for yourself and your strain!

Dear Hyapatia,
My lady is a dancer at a very big gentlemen's club. She’s hot as hell and always brings home lots of money. I am happy to be with her and have such a hot girl, but I can't help but get jealous when I think of the guys in the club drooling over her.  I have tried to get over these feelings, but I can't. I don't want to break up with her, but if she would just quit her job, things would be so much better. How can I convince her to stop working and just let me take care of her?

Dear Darrell,
Was your lady dancing when you met her? If so, it may not be so easy to get her to quit just to ease your jealousy. She may like her job and all the money that it brings in. Does her income contribute to your lifestyle? It’s hard to replace set expenses like rent, car payments, and utilities. If she’s been counting on her income to pay for these things, it’s unlikely she’ll quit. Maybe it’s possible for you to not to think about her dancing in front of all the men dancing. Remember, she’s playing a part, putting on a show. She’s not trying to seduce these guys, this is about her making a living and being independent. Wouldn’t she be “drooled over” even if she was a secretary or a fast food worker. All good-looking girls are. I hope you can work this out.