Dear Hyapatia,
I have met a wonderful woman and I am so in love with her I can hardly see straight. She's independent, has a good job, and has a small daughter she is raising on her own. I went to San Francisco with my brother and sent her flowers to let her know just how much she means to me. The problem is that she did not call me to thank me for them. I wondered if she got them okay, so I asked and she said she had and then thanked me, but she didn't sound as happy about the flowers as I’d hoped she would be. Did I do something wrong? I just wanted to let her know how much I cared and would miss her. I didn't want her to freak out thinking I was more in love with her than she is with me. She has been hurt in the past – I suppose we all have – but it’s hard for her to trust and listen to her feelings. She is understandably cautious to protect her heart, but I want her to know there is no need for that, because I will be true to her and want to be involved in her life for as long as I can see. Can you please give me some advice as to how to proceed? Thank you,
Karl from the Airplane

Dear Karl,
I think your flowers were a wonderful gesture and I think most women would be thrilled to get them. I bet your girlfriend was thrilled, too. She’s probably just trying to take things slow, as you said, to protect herself from pain. As you mentioned, she has been hurt before. It can take time to get over such things, depending on the depth of the pain. I would guess that she’s making sure she doesn’t introduce her daughter to someone who may be just a “flash in the pan.” I know this doesn’t describe you, but she’s probably fearful and just protecting herself and her daughter from heartache.
If I were you, I’d make sure that I showed her how helpful you can be. It’s hard to raise a child on your own and there are so many things that she could use help with. If you make yourself indispensable with a loving attitude, I would imagine that pretty soon she’d see that you’re a strong man who she can trust with her heart, one who is willing to do what it takes to make her see how much better off she would be with you in her life. I bet things will work out well for both of you. At least, I hope so. You sound like a great guy!

Hey Hyapatia,
My wife and I have been together for many years and enjoy mixing it up in the bedroom with toys and videos. We have both been interested in trying anal sex, but I don’t want to hurt her. When we try, she says it’s just too much for her. We’ve tried probably close to a dozen times with no success. Can you recommend something that would help?
Wild in Wisconsin

Dear Wild in Wisconsin,
I have always found a dash of experimentation to be healthy in bed. Anal sex is best when you have been smoking a great indica that lets your head float and your body melt. It’s always a good idea to get a small dildo to try out first; this will prepare your wife for what is coming next. Lots of lubricant is essential, and take your time. Slow and steady wins the race. Some couples really enjoy this added dimension in their lovemaking occasionally; others don't care for it. It’s something you will have to decide on together – of course.

My man works hard during the day.  So do I. After work we like to veg in front of the TV and get wasted. I cook dinner, do the dishe, and take care of the house and all after work. He just sits and watches TV. This is bad enough, but when it comes to bedtime, he’s passed out on the couch and just moves from the living room to the bed and then goes to sleep! I want more out of this relationship. I’m tired of doing it all after a hard day’s work and then not getting any lovin' at the end of it. What can I do to make him understand I am serious? I’ve been complaining about this for a couple of years now.

Dear Unsatisfied,
I have to say, I have never been good at putting up with stuff like that. I have a tendency to give a few dozen warnings and then I kick them to the curb! What really gets me is when they say they never saw it coming!  It sounds like you’ve given plenty of warnings, too. If you’re really over it, I would get on with life and either do without or find another. There are so many good guys out there that are willing to take care of a woman like you. No need to go through life unsatisfied!

I live in a terrible state for marijuana.  There is no medical here and things are really archaic. I hate being labeled a criminal just because I smoke pot. In other states, I would not be breaking the law, so I want to move. My problem is that my girlfriend and I live together and she doesn’t want to leave the state. She has family here she doesn’t want to leave. I love her and don't want to leave her, but I just can't stand this stupid state anymore. To make matters worse, money is tight. I wish I could convince her to leave with me. We could get jobs and live safely, without the fear of the police state that would jail us for enjoying one of nature’s pleasures. Knowing there are states out there where we can really be free makes it so hard to stay here. Do you have any advice for how I can convince my girlfriend to move?

Dear Trapped,
I know how you feel! I just moved from one of those idiotic states myself! There is nothing better than knowing you can enjoy your weed freely without fear of being arrested! It’s mind-blowing!
With the economy in shambles, it’s difficult, if not impossible, for most people to move to where they’d prefer to live. It’s a crime to have some states that are truly free, especially in a country that calls itself the “United States.” Because of where you’re born, you may not be free.
I wish I knew some way to convince your girlfriend to move, but I don't. Is it possible for you to move and then to keep in touch through Skype, email, and maybe an occasional visit? How far would you be from her in a free state? If it’s a few short miles, you could visit on weekends. Maybe if she sees how nice it can be in another state, she’ll change her mind.
It’s hard to leave family though. Any chance of the family moving, too?