Dearest Hyapatia,
I am very happily married and our sex life is really great. But there is one thing I’ve always wanted to try. I’m afraid to bring it up. Shy is a better word. I know it will take lots of courage – and smoke – to get me to bring up the subject. Just writing it down is kinda hard. I want to try some dominance. Not S&M  or bondage or anything like that. Just a little light overpowering, if you know what I mean. My husband has always been very loving and gentle and that’s what I want in a lover. But now that I’m married and we’ve been through so much together, I trust him. I guess what I’m trying to say is I want to experiment, just a little bit, with a fantasy I’ve had in the back of my mind for some time now.
Experimenting in Michigan

Dear Experimenting,
There are several good books and movies that feature light dominance that you could watch together. When that particular scene comes on, perhaps you could say how you’ve always wanted to try something like that. If you can't bring yourself to do that, snuggle up next to him during that scene and start to rub his cock – maybe go down on him. That's a good submissive stance to start with. Maybe he’ll take the bait. It’s very normal and healthy to experiment sexually like this. There is a Native American teaching I have mentioned before called “The Lover's Masks.” It’s a wheel of different styles of lovemaking, or masks, that we can put on and take off at will. When you’re with a partner for decades, it’s much more interesting if you can make use of these other ways to spice things up. You can be dominant, or he can be dominant; you can be the strong initiator, or vice-versa. If you’re up for it, try different clothes to set the scene that can also add to your pleasure: a garter belt and stockings with no underwear, a corset that accentuates the breasts or a pretty nightgown are all fun to wear while having hot, steamy sex.

Dear Hyapatia,
My lady and I are freaks. We love kinky sex and we freak out in public places. It's really exciting. We want to find other freaks to fuck and suck with everywhere, in and out of public places. Do you have any suggestions for finding wild people like us who aren't afraid to get down all the way.
Party Animals

Dear Party Animals,
Party on!!!!  There are many sites for hooking up with sexually adventurous people. Some have large membership bases like fuckbookhookups.com, eroticads.com and socialsex.com. These sites can match people by location, the type of sex you’re into, looks and more. There are millions of people out there just like you using these sites right now. You should be getting your freak on real soon!

Hey Hyapatia,
I want to try anal sex with my lady but she won't have any part of it. How can I convince her to do it?
Horny

Dear Horny,
First of all, there may not be a way to convince her, so keep your mind open to that possibility. If she isn't into it, it isn't the end of the world. There are many movies out there with anal sex and lots of hardcore sites on line. Maybe if she sees women enjoying it, she’ll be more interested. Maybe she’s heard some myths that concern her, like that there will be feces involved, which is really not usually the case. Also, she may believe it’s not safe. If you’re slow and careful and don't do it all the time, there should be no problems, unless she has a medical condition that may prevent it. It’s always wise to start small. The sphincter is a muscle and as such, must be stretched slowly. Starting with something smaller and then slowly working her way up to your cock would be the best way to do it. It may take several days for her to work up entry, depending on how thick you are. And don't forget – plenty of lubricant!

Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend is from England. She is obsessed with what she says is a new fad from across the pond. Women are getting cosmetic surgery on their – well – pussies! They see women in porn movies and magazines with shaved pussies that have very small lips and she thinks this is what she should look like. To me, they look pre-pubescent and it’s a big turn-off. My girlfriend has prominent lips and wants to have this surgery done to make them smaller. I am dead-set against it. She only brings up the subject when we get high. It’s gotten to the point where I don't want to get high with her anymore. She knows I am avoiding her, and why. I’m afraid it’s just a matter of time before she brings this up when we aren't stoned. I think she needs to get high to get up the nerve to talk about it right now. Have you ever heard of this? Why do all the women in the porn business shave? Why do they all have small lips? What is up with this fad?

Lewis

Dear Lewis,
I hadn’t heard of this before I got your letter. So I did some research. The procedure is called labiaplasty, which involves cutting off part of the labia, or lips. Ouch! As no one but a doctor or a lover will ever see me, I personally would have a very hard time going through surgery like that just to look better to the opposite sex.

As far as the adult film business is concerned, there are a lot of shaved pussies, that’s for sure. I’m not sure why this started, but it’s been going on since the days of Linda Lovelace; she was shaved in Deep Throat. Perhaps it’s in an effort to let the camera see everything. There are many young women in the business, and younger women tend to have smaller labias – but not always. When a woman shaves, it makes their pussy lips much easier to see.

Every woman is unique. Years ago in New York City, an artist friend of mine named Doug Johns sculpted my pussy, as well as a few dozen others. To see them all side by side, you see that no two are alike. So it’s impossible to that just one that could be the standard for beauty. They’re all beautiful! I have fairly prominent lips and I know of other women in the adult business that do, too. In fact, there used to be an actress named Very Knotty who’s was known lips were so big that she could actually tie them in a knot! When I have sex, my pussy lips are a very big source of my pleasure. They’re sensitive and it really turns me on to feel them being played with or just enjoying the sensation of hugging my lover's cock as he goes in and out. I can't imagine how horrible it would be not to have the pleasure that they give me.

Women do so much to change themselves to be attractive: makeup, hair dyes, high heels, nose jobs, boob jobs, crazy diets and more. Men go through a lot to change themselves for women, especially sexually – Viagra and cock pumps for enlargement, just to name a few. But surgery is pretty drastic. At some point, you have to believe that if your lover really cares about you, these small differences don’t matter. Some things are just better off accepted than changed, but that’s for the individual to decide. I really hope your girlfriend doesn't go through with the surgery. There is a documentary titled The Perfect Vagina. In the film, a bunch of different women's pussies that have been cast in plaster are shown. The Perfect Vagina also shows a woman having the surgery and the pain she goes through afterwards. It also shows women examining themselves and accepting each other as they are. Perhaps this can help her to realize we’re all different and it is in our individuality where part of our beauty lies.