Dear Hyapatia,
Sometimes I like it when my partner is a bit dominant. I like being spanked and disciplined. My partner isn't really into it that much. I try to be satisfied with regular sex, but the more I have just regular sex, the more I want to be dominated. Now my partner wants to be the submissive one. I've never felt comfortable in the dominant role. I just fake being into it until I get my turn. Is there a way to explain to my partner that I’m just not in to that? I tried getting high and having a heart-to-heart, but it didn't go over very well.
Seth

Dear Seth,
You’ve written that your partner isn't really into being dominant – and you aren't either. Yet you say that your partner will be dominant to please you, but that he/she is really not into it -- just like you. If your partner is willing, you should be, too. It’s not fair for your partner to do something that they really don't enjoy and expect sex to be like that all the time. Try taking turns. Relationships are give-and-take. So is sex. It should be a 50-50 thing. Actually, relationships are a 100-100 thing. Both of you should give 100 percent all the time!

Dear Hyapatia,
My man works hard at growing the best weed I’ve ever had. I’m very proud of him and what he does. We get along great and I hope to be with him for a long time. Now that it’s summer, he’s working outside a lot. He does his inside work first, then takes a break He does outside work, then comes in just as it’s starting to get dark for a late dinner. Then we watch TV and get high. It gets late and we realize that I have to get up in the morning for work. So we go to bed. I love having sex with him, but he takes his showers in the morning and at the end of the day he smells. I don't want to bring him down by telling him this, but it’s getting hard to have sex. I can't just come out and say it. I can't even hint at it. I don't want to hurt his feelings and I’m too embarrassed.
Shelly

Dear Shelly,
It’s a tough subject to talk about! Maybe you could suggest you take a shower together. After several nights of that, maybe he’ll understand. If not, you could say something like, "I feel like I need a shower before I go to bed.” Your example could set the stage for him to follow. But, still, you should try to be honest. A clean body is much more pleasant to “explore.” You should tell him that.

Dear Hyapatia,
I just went to my girlfriend’s company picnic and I'm a bit freaked. It was like everyone was coming on to her and she was coming on to them! It makes me wonder what she does at work. They all seemed like they had some big secret to hide that I wasn't in on. I wonder if she freaks out with the dudes she works with. I ain't never seen her act like that with my homies or nothing. Now I feel like I don't even know her. Should I break up with her?
Jamal

Dear Jamal,
Difficult to say. How well do you know her? How long has she been working there? She could just be the friendly type. But I’d come right out and ask her what’s up with her co-workers. Is it possible that she’s different around your friends because she doesn't know them well yet? Maybe how she behaved at the picnic is how she always acts when she’s comfortable with people. How does she act with her girlfriends? Is she as friendly to them as she is to her male co-workers? She may just like to flirt – or she could be the type to have relationships at work behind your back. There are a lot of question marks. I’d investigate further, if I were you, before writing her off.

Dear Hyapatia,
My girl likes to go out to clubs and drink. We go out to hear bands, and I really enjoy good live music. I have a drink or two, but she gets very tipsy – more than tipsy, really. Sometimes she gets so drunk that I have to help her walk out.  We both enjoy a good blunt and some ear wax. I just don't like how she drinks. I feel like I have to take care of her instead of having fun with her. You know what I mean? I really wish she would stop drinking so much. How can I get her to drink less, smoke more?
Barry

Dear Barry,
I do know what you mean! It’s a drag when you’re out for a good time and have to take care of someone else. It takes away from the freedom to enjoy the event. I understand that you like to go out to hear music, but staying home would be one way to keep her away from the booze. You could also try leaving the clubs sooner. You may miss it, but the longer that she’s in that environment, the more she’ll drink. With other people drinking and waitresses whose job it is to push drinks, the temptation to drink is greater. It’s too bad that there aren't clubs that you can go to where you can hear music and get high, with no alcohol. I’m sure there will be soon, at least here in Colorado where I live and in Washington. In the meantime, stay out of places where there is alcohol.