When you’re high at work, do you ever think about making mischief? If you do, here are some suggestions.
Post a list of all the Communists in your company on a conspicuous bulletin board. If you’re not sure who the Communists are, take your best guess.
Call phone sex numbers and transfer the calls at random.
Dial the phone number of the co-worker in the next cubicle whenever they walk away from their desk. Hang up before they can answer it. Repeat often.
Page someone over the company’s intercom system with the announcement that their sex therapist is on the line and he wants to reschedule their appointment.
Take a stack of resumes from the company recruiting department and schedule interviews for fictional, high-paying positions.
Decorate your workspace with religious imagery.
Whenever a co-worker makes a mistake, give them the opportunity to “help you out,” in exchange for not reporting their mistake to the boss.
Put a fake rubber hand up your sleeve. When a secretary walks by, stick the hand in a paper shredder and scream.
ANONYMOUS EVIL ACTS
Take bites out of the sandwiches in people’s lunch bags.
Submit letters of resignation for other employees.
Hide a paper bag full of tuna fish in the back of the office refrigerator. Write someone else’s name on the bag – obviously.
Pull the fire alarm while someone is in the bathroom.
Sneak into the conference room before the next major meeting and place nametags in front of the seats. Assign black people to one side of the table and white people to the other.
Tape a sign on the back of a female co-worker that reads: “I’ve been sexually harassed.” Tape a sign on the back of a male co-worker that reads: “Will fuck for promotions.”
Sew a tag with the name of a co-worker on a bra or a piece of underwear. Leave it in the center of the conference table before a meeting.
Report all rumors daily via the bathroom wall.
GETTING EVEN WITH THE BOSS
Submit an anonymous written complaint to the human resources department that, in your opinion, your boss spends way too much time looking at pornography.
Post your boss’s number on the Google alt.sex.prostitution discussion group.
“Accidentally” send a personal email to the entire company voicing your disapproval of the boss’s constant reference to the CEO as an “ugly, stupid, lazy, spineless pussy.”
Allow your boss to take credit for the Adolf Hitler quotes about team spirit that suddenly appear on the company bulletin board.
GETTING YOURSELF FIRED
Respond to every request from your boss with the phrase: “I would prefer not to.”
Hire a temp to do your job for you.
Conduct all inter-office correspondence using FedEx, early morning, next day delivery.
See how many consecutive funerals you can get away with leaving work early for.
THINGS TO DO JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE HIGH
Spill bong water all over your computer keyboard.
Laugh at motivational meetings.
Stare at your computer.
Bang some pots and pans, scream into a megaphone or whatever else it takes to have a surprise birthday party for the senile old bastard that no one has the guts to fire.
Suggest to the human resources department that the company picnic be replaced by a “fun day giving back to society” – volunteering at a recycling center, soup kitchen or drug rehab center. Make the suggestion in a crowded elevator.
Hire strippers – both male and female – for the office Christmas party.
Provide plenty of pot for everybody, too!