Sports penalties can be pretty damn confusing, what with all those whistles blowing and bizarre hand signals and flags being thrown around. But every stoner knows about party fouls, the boorish behavior that can get a stoner ejected from a Super Bowl party. Be cool! Know your rules!

ILLEGAL RECEIVER
Violator passes the joint to wrong stoner. However, an additional flag can be thrown if the stoner that  it was passed to pretends that he forget that he just toked up.


PENALTY
Misdirection must be corrected immediately. If not, violator is issued a warning. On second offense, violator receives one-toke penalty, thereby losing one pass of the joint. On third offense see "EJECTION."
 

HOLDING
Intentional: When the violator takes, two, three, maybe eight hits before passing the joint. Unintentional: When the violator becomes totally self-absorbed and forgets that a roomful of stoners are waiting for the pass.


PENALTY
Hearing loss when group yells: "Pass the fucking joint!"


RAMBLING CONVERSATION
A joint is not a spotlight, so why do stoners feel the need to lecture, pontificate or otherwise spew an incoherent stream of consciousness upon getting high? (Note: Violator can receive dual penalties for "Holding" and "Rambling Conversation.")


PENALTY
Infraction results in the dreaded "Two-Bud Penalty." Violator must sacrifice personal stash for destroying group buzz.


OUT OF BOUNDS
Stoner has left the field, perhaps even planet Earth! Violation occurs when stoner gets so high that they cannot remember who they are, where they are or whether they're even human.


PENALTY
Immediate benching and placement on the "Disabled" list.


EXCESSIVE MOOCHING
All stoners find themselves out of weed sometimes. Infraction occurs when a habitual moocher refuses to contribute their fair share -- ever! Mooch penalty is invoked when stash-holder experiences recurring pain in the ass.


PENALTY
Access to pot revoked indefinitely.
 

EXCESSIVE LIPPAGE
A serious infraction occurring when a receiver is passed a joint drenched in saliva.


PENALTY
Severe humiliation is always appropriate. Verbal abuse is recommended. Depending upon anger of "spit-recipient," excessive lippage may result in a "swirlie," the submersion of a violator's head in a flushing toilet.


PERSONAL FOUL
Violator has not changed bongwater since NFL training camp.


VIOLATOR
Referee's discretion: Violator must exercise sufficient haste in changing aforementioned bongwater. If sufficient haste is not exercised, violator must be forced to drink aforementioned bongwater -- with sufficient haste.
 

GAME OVER
Joint is sucked so hard that a lit roach is inhaled, thereby scorching the back of the violator's throat.


PENALTY
No penalty assessed. Being an idiot is penalty enough.
 

EJECTION
The "three strikes, you're out" rule. Too many violations will result in ejection from Super Bowl party, forfeiture of your weed and a 20-hour brush-up course on stoner etiquette.

 

SCORE
You get the joint all to yourself. Right on!