If a flying saucer really crashed in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947, its alien crew must have transmogrified into the bodies of New Mexico cops. How else can we explain the anal probing and lunatic behavior we’ve seen from New Mexico’s law enforcement in just the month of November?

Roll past stop sign? Colonoscopy! First, it was the horrific story of David Eckert we learned about on November 4 from Albuquerque’s KOB News. He rolled through a stop sign while leaving a Wal-Mart. The cop said David looked nervous and was clenching his butt cheeks. A drug dog was summoned and alerted on the driver’s seat. The K-9 handler claims David’s been known to smuggle drugs in his behind. A quick search warrant, two anal probes, two x-rays, three enemas and a colonoscopy later, cops find no drugs inside David. Bonus: the drug dog hadn’t been certified since 2011 and the search warrant had expired and wasn’t valid for the county in which the colonoscopy had been performed.

Forget turn signal?  Anal probe! Next, upon hearing the David Eckert story, Timothy Young comes forward to explain how he, too, was violated by New Mexico cops. This time, Timothy turned without using his blinker. The same drug dog was brought in and alerted on the driver’s seat. Timothy was taken to the same hospital and subjected to anal probing and x-rays that revealed nothing. Like David’s case, the search warrant wasn’t valid for the county in which the procedures were performed.

Leave the state? Two-handed vaginal probe! The third incident involved an anonymous woman crossing from New Mexico into El Paso, Texas. There she is detained by Border Patrol whose drug dog alerts on her person. Female agents have her strip and then search her anus and vagina, finding nothing. So then she is transported to the hospital, forced to defecate for the medical staff, given an x-ray, probed again in the anus and vagina “bi-manually,” and finally, CAT scanned. No drugs were found.

Scared of the cops? They’ll shoot at your kids! Oriana Ferrell didn’t do herself any favors with police. She’d been pulled over for speeding outside of Taos and when the cop went back to his car to write out a ticket, she drove away. After getting pulled over the second time, the police were confronted by Oriana and her teen son. The situation escalated and soon, one police officer is busting out her van’s back window with his baton, scaring the hell out of her screaming children in the back. As Oriana gets back in the van to speed away again, cops begin shooting at her vehicle full of kids. When she’s finally apprehended, it turns out she had a pot pipe on her -- do you suppose she was so scared of being violated by police over drugs that she felt she had to run?

You do have drugs? Genital torture! Marlene Tapia was arrested because of a probation violation on a previous drug case. As she’s entering the jail, she’s given the standard strip search. When she gets to the “bend over and spread your cheeks” phase, the two officers searching her notice a small plastic baggie poking out from Tapia’s vagina. So, Tapia claims in a lawsuit joined by the ACLU, one of the officers, Blanca Zapater, sprayed mace on her vagina twice. Tapia claims the pain lasted several weeks.

This is how the War on Drugs warps the priorities of police and eviscerates the liberties of citizens. Suppose everyone probed in these stories had a colon-full of drugs -- just how much do cops think can be stored up there? Cops routinely make multi-ton seizures of drugs without putting a dent in drug use, availability, or price, so how is the seizure of a butt-load going to help? How is that worth traumatizing and violating a human being?

"Radical" Russ Belville is the host of The Russ Belville Show, which airs live at 3pm Pacific.