There is never a shortage of hoaxes on the Internet to ruffle the feathers of the average citizen and driving those already on the verge of a paranoid freak-out straight down the rabbit hole. This was the case last week with the advent of a story from the phony news source The National Report, which revealed the formation of the Facebook Drug Task Force, a group assembled to monitor the messages of Facebook users in an attempt to crackdown on those using the social network to buy and sell narcotics.

“Beginning October 1st, Facebook will be implementing a drug task force designed to arrest those who buy and sell narcotics while using the online social networking site. Facebook is calling the group the Facebook Drug Task Force, or FDTF, and will be monitoring all postings and messages created by its users,” according to the fake story.

Perhaps fueled by the already controversial nature of Facebook’s latest messenger upgrade, which has many users in upheaval over privacy issues, the news of Mark Zuckerberg and his computer cops planning to bust people who use Facebook to communicate with their drug dealers caused the story to go viral and of course, panic ensued.

It did not take long before the HIGH TIMES inbox was full of emails from rattled readers and stupefied stoners, some of who believe that George Orwell may have been the first prophet since Jesus Christ, and that big brother was going in for the kill. However, while we certainly appreciate the paranoid enthusiasm, nothing The National Report publishes is real news. Therefore, there is no reason to delete your Facebook account over fears that a Social Media SWAT Team will swoop in at the first mention of weed.

The National Report, which pulls no punches about being a satire news site, has bamboozled unsuspecting readers several times this year with twisted tales that would undoubtedly destroy civil society as we know it if any truth to them was ever revealed. The site made claims several months ago that a new strain of marijuana had been developed in Colorado and was now turning users into homosexuals, while a more recent account suggested that Wal-Mart is planning to sell weed in legal marijuana states. All of this, while humorous, is complete bullshit.

By the end of last week, The National Report posted an update to the Facebook Drug Task Force story indicating that Zuckerberg’s narcs had already made their first arrest. “I saw the two suspects in my scopes, on their Facebooks, socializing with their loser junkie friends, probably talking about how many pounds of reefer they’re gonna inject that day, and then bam! I grabbed those junkies throats and told them they were going to pound town. Two more marijuana addicts off the street,” Facebook Police Officer Jessie Fitzmaurice told CNN. 

Yet, we still advise not discussing your illegal drug activity on the social media. 

Mike Adams writes for stoners and smut enthusiasts in HIGH TIMES, Playboy’s The Smoking Jacket and Hustler Magazine. You can follow him on Twitter @adamssoup and on Facebook/mikeadams73.

(Photo: Resiliency System)