We've been receiving countless questions, complaints, and pleas for information about the 37 unfortunate souls who overdosed on marijuana on the first day of legalization in Colorado. I know you're scared folks, but stay with us here and consider this your Freedom of Information Act.

DC's Main Source:
Dr. Jack Shepard -- "It's complete chaos here. I've put five college students in body bags since breakfast and more are arriving every minute."

Qualifications:

He seems a little...Lost.

DC's Victim:
Jesse Bruce Pinkman -- "One of the those victims was 29-year-old Jesse Bruce Pinkman, a former methamphetamine dealer from Albuquerque who had recently moved to Boulder to establish a legal marijuana dispensary."

Qualifications:

"Look, I like making cherry product, but let’s keep it real, alright? We make poison for people who don’t care. We probably have the most unpicky customers in the world."

And as promised -- below is a list we researched far and wide throughout the world. We even raised this through to Obama to check the statistics. Here lies the list of known deaths as caused by ingesting marijuana:

...

Please Note: The Daily Currant is a SATIRICAL/FAKE/NOT REAL news site.