If you get busted smokin’ a jay or bangin' a bong, keep your wits about you! Read our special guide for getting through your ordeal. Here’s what to do if you get caught by…

THE COPS
Smart Response: Swallow your stash ASAP.
Stupid Response: “Here…”
Are You Better Off Running?: Oh, yeah! Really, really fast!
Punishment: For the best choice, hire a good lawyer.

YOUR BOSS
Smart Response: “I’m testing pot’s effect on my productivity.”
Stupid Response: “I’m still on my break.”
Are You Better Off Running?: Saves you the humiliation of getting fired.
Punishment: Unemployment

THE COACH
Smart Response: “You’ll have to bust the whole team.”
Stupid Response: You pretend to be working out – using your bong as a dumbbell,
Are You Better Off Running?: Go for it. This is how you show the coach that pot enhances athletic performance.
Punishment: You usually have to apologize to the world for “using poor judgement.” Pros lose lots of cash.

THE STEWARDESS
Smart Response: “Jeez, somebody stunk up this lavatory!”
Stupid Response: You hijack the plane and demand asylum in Iran.
Are You Better Off Running?: As long as your chute opens.
Punishment: New friends in uniform are waiting to greet you when you land.

HARD-ASS STADIUM SECURITY
Smart Response: Hide your pot quick. They’ll take it for themselves!
Stupid Response: Offering resistance to hired thugs.
Are You Better Off Running?: Go ahead. If you make it to the field, you’ll have 50,000 spectators cheering you on.
Punishment: You get roughed up and busted – and you lose your seats.

A DISAPPROVING LOVER
Smart Response: “Get used to it, honey.”
Stupid Response: “I’ll quit for you, honey.”
Are You Better Off Running?: Absolutely! Split now.
Punishment: The usual break-up scene.

ANOTHER STONER
Smart Response: “Dude, have a bong hit!"
Stupid Response: “Dude, have a bong hit.” [see punishment]
Are You Better Off Running?: Hard to run and light your bong at the same time.
Punishment: There goes your stash.

YOUR PARENTS
Smart Response: “Mom, Dad, I love you!”
Stupid Response: “I’m dying. This keeps me alive.”
Are You Better Off Running?: You’re still living at home? Take off now!
Punishment: Variable. Try to deal with Mom only.