About 3 years ago, I shared an apartment with 2 of the stupidest people on the planet.Â The were both fast food restarauntÂ managers, and were always inviting under-age burger nerds over the house to toke.
I got sketched out by theseÂ forbidden sessions for manyÂ justified reasons: Â I was 25, their guests' were never over the ageÂ of 17, and would lie to their parents where they were so could stay out late.Â These childrenÂ never brought their own pot, and on the off chance they did it was always the brown frown. And, most importantly, I had theÂ year's harvest (my first)Â hanging upside down in my bedroom upstairs. No matter how much I pleaded with my retarded roomies to take romper room elsewhere, they never complied with my "paranoia", and basically told me to suck it.
One lovely evening, they had one of their little fiends over who I particularly didn't like. Let's just call her Ursula the Sea Hag.Â Ursula was always lying to her parents,Â took actual bad drugs ( because we all know pot doesn't count as a real drug), and her personallity just sucked due the fact she was a dizzy broad.Â Come on, she didn't even know who Mr.T was!!
To make along story short, Ursula lied to her to her mom.
saying she was sleeping at a friend's house that didn't even exist and gave her a fake phone number, when she was really at my house.Â She also told her mom she was getting a ride to work in the morning by, yet another, fictious person.
In the morning she was suppose to get up for work, but she "didn't feel like it" and wentÂ back to sleep.Â Meanwhile, her mother went to Ursula's job to see her.Â When her mother saw that she wasn't there, sheÂ called the fuzz and preceded to bug out. One of my roomates faithful nerdlings told Ursula's mom where was, soÂ Mrs. Sea HagÂ knew where to send the cops. Moments after this horrible new developement, a friend of mineÂ , who just happened to be there getting lunch, heard everything, andÂ called me on his cellie to let me know what was a foot.Â
Completely enraged, I woke that silly girl upÂ , made her call her mom's cell phone and fess up, while I hid the bongs. Right when she made contact with her mother, I heard the knock Â at the door.Â The dreaded knock.Â You can always tell it's theÂ fuzz by the cold "I'm going to ruin your life" knock.Â
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Did I mention I lived with stupid people?Â My other roommate let that pig in! Â I was screwed!Â There's a cop in my house, there's 12 plants hanging from the ceiling of my room, my house smells like jamaica, and I'm going to be someone's bitch in prison!! Â It's all some bratty little ho's fault!! Ursula, however,Â did the honorable thing, She told the cop she lied toÂ her parents.Â She also still had her mom on the phone.Â The oinker asked to speak to her mom.Â Ursula handed him the phone,Â asÂ felt like I was having an anuerism.Â
After the cop concluded his conversation with her mom, he asked who livedÂ in the apartment.Â EveryoneÂ ( including my roomies) Â pointed to me.Â He told me it was my lucky day that he was going to take the girl home and advised me that my house wasn't suited for minors, and that he could tell that I wouldn't want to see him in my home again.Â I aggreed with him, gave him a friendly hand shake, and sent him and the rug ratÂ onÂ their way.Â Â
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As soon as he pulled out of my driveway I threw up, went ape shit on my roomates, threw them both out, and finally took a bong hit or five.
The morals of this story is:Â There's no such thing as parnoia when it comesÂ to your crop, and burger nerds are evil; They cannot be trusted!!!Â Â