Recently, we examined the differences between guns and bongs. Now we place bombs and bongs side-by-side to determine which instrument is better for your lifestyle. Based upon arbitrary parameters selected from a random selection of arbitrary parameters. We tally 6-2 in favor of bongs.

DEADLINESS
Bombs: That’s pretty much the idea.
Bongs: Well, a bong could conceivably kill you. You could set yourself on fire or you could shatter your bong and fall on a shard of glass that severs your carotid artery. But not likely.
√ Bombs

USEFULNESS TO HUMANITY
Bombs: Pretty much only used for killing people and destroying infrastructure.
Bongs: Very useful for getting high. Side effects include not wanting to kill people or destroy infrastructure.
√ Bongs

OVERALL EFFECT
Bombs: Expect death by shock wave or shrapnel. Most people experience a “general unpleasantness” within the blast radius.
Bongs: The blast radius is the place to be! A bong envelops you in a hazy euphoria that makes Carrot Top appear hilarious (but we still recommend avoidance).
√ Bongs

FUNCTIONALITY BEYOND INTENDED FUNCTION
Bombs: Could be used as a bench, but fear of getting your ass blown off will counteract any potential relaxation.
Bongs: Built to hold liquid. Could be used as a vase or a cocktail glass. Get creative! You could even serve New Orleans-style Hurricanes to friends before lighting up.
√ Bongs

COOL, DRAMATIC MOVIE LINE
Bombs: [At the Super Bowl] “There isn’t time! We’ve only got 5 minutes before this thing detonates and kills 100,000 people!
Bongs: {Outside Taco Bell] “There isn’t time! They’re gonna close in 5 minutes!
√ Bombs

PORTABILITY
Bombs: While the size of the bomb may vary, the fact is these suckers are heavy. Be sure to bend your knees when lifting. Aircraft is often required for transport.
Bongs: As long as you don’t tote it around town in plain view, your bong can become your life-long buddy. But use a padded duffel bag or you’re asking for heartache.
√ Bongs

POTENTIAL RESIDUAL ISSUES
Bombs: Injury, death, poverty, despair, hate, more hate, more death, more poverty, more despair, more hate…
Bongs: You’re completely out of bud, then spot a tiny bud in the carpet. You load your bong and – it’s not a bud. It’s something else. You don’t wanna know…
√ Bongs

WORST CASE SCENARIO
Bombs: No Internet – or anything else.
Bongs: Your friend – now your ex-friend – shatters your beloved companion. You mourn – then get a better one!
√ Bongs