One of the best things about getting baked is that things seem a lot funnier when you’re high. We’ve compiled some of our favorite pot jokes. Crack up your stoner friends with these classics!

Confucius says…
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt?
A pot hole.

How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree?

What do you call a potato that smokes weed?
A baked potato.

What is reality?
An illusion caused by a lack of good weed.

What did the paper say to the weed?
Let’s roll!

What do you call a stoner who saves his last bowl for tomorrow?
A poser.

What kind of car does a stoner drive?
A Blazer.

What do a cooked bird and a cowardly stoner have in common?
They’re both baked chickens.

Police Officer: "How high are you?"
Stoner: "No officer, it's ‘Hi, How are you?’”

A pothead finds a strange-looking oil lamp in the trash and rubs it to clean it up when out pops a genie: "I grant you three wishes for releasing me!" The pothead says "OK, for my first wish: I want a never-ending blunt made from the finest Sour Diesel!" Poof! He has a fat six-inch blunt in his hand. He takes a few tokes and is delighted by the delicious flavor and high, so he sits back and relaxes. The genie says, "Hey, you have two more wishes, remember?" "Oh, yeah ... lemme see ... I'll have two more of these!"

And last but not least, from our own @DannyDanko (
An old man walks up to a couple of potheads smoking a joint, and says, “Don’t you know that smoking weed makes you ignorant and apathetic?”
One of the potheads turns to him and replies, “I don’t know, and I don’t care.”