Many of us still have to buy pot on the black market. So that means you have to buy pot from a dealer. As you may already know, they come in all shapes and sizes. Here’s our handy guide to choosing the right one for you.

THE FLAKE
General Vibe: Happy to see you. Friendly and chill.
Cost of Pot: Always Reasonable
Upside: Sometimes forgets how much you owe.
Downside: Can’t find the weed.
Bust Possibility: Security doesn’t seem to be a priority. Beware!
Our Advice: Buy fast. Leave faster.

THE GOUGER
General Vibe: A lust for cash.
Cost of Pot: Ten dollars more every time you buy.
Upside: A free joint while you get ripped off.
Downside: You’re buying a yacht — for someone else!
Bust Possibility: It’s pretty safe buying pot on a yacht.
Our Advice: If you’ve got a six-figure income, go for it.

THE ABSENTEE
General Vibe: You only talk to an answering machine.
Cost of Pot: What’s the difference? Usually a one-time purchase.
Upside: You learn to conserve what you have.
Downside: You’re down to smoking stalks.
Bust Possibility: Nonexistent
Our Advice: Let’s move on.

THE GROWER
General Vibe: Hopefully, organic.
Cost of Pot: Depends on capacity for greed.
Upside: The product is fresh.
Downside: Waiting for the dude to harvest.
Bust Possibility: Don’t be there if it happens. Cultivation, sale, conspiracy. Oy!
Our Advice: Find a good grower and make friends.

THE OUTLAW
General Vibe: Deals lots of uncool other stuff.
Cost of Pot: Your soul.
Upside: You observe the intricacies of paranoia.
Downside: Good chance you’re being watched.
Bust Possibility: “Please, officer! Don’t shoot!”
Our Advice: Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

THE LONELY HEART
General Vibe: “Leaving so soon?”
Cost of Pot: You always get a price break.
Upside: You learn to be sympathetic.
Downside: It takes an hour to buy an ounce.
Bust Possibility: None. No one knows they exist.
Our Advice: Who knows? Maybe you'll find a mate!

THE KNOW-IT-ALL
General Vibe: Believes that being a dealer makes them a genius.
Cost of Pot: Your patience.
Upside: There is the vague possibility of learning something.
Downside: Blah, blah, blah…
Bust Possibility: You secretly hope they do get busted.
Our Advice: Put up with it. You blather just as much!

THE SNOB
General Vibe: They act like they’re doing you a favor.
Cost of Pot: Your self-esteem.
Upside: They’re usually on their cell phone when you buy.
Downside: You’re actually paying to be abused.
Bust Possibility: You feel like calling the cops yourself!
Our Advice: For masochists only.

THE STREET DEALER
General Vibe: Suspicious of everyone.
Cost of Pot: Often negotiable.
Upside: Commerce in the Great Outdoors.
Downside: Bags of oregano or worse.
Bust Possibility: Huge.
Our Advice: Steer clear.

THE MEDICAL MARIJUANA PROVIDER
General Vibe: Compassionate
Cost of Pot: Greatly reduced – we hope.
Upside: Thank God for humanitarians!
Downside: In most states humanitarians are classified as criminals.
Bust Possibility: Uncle Sam wants you!
Our advice: Stay healthy!